


If, Perhaps, They Were Less Idiotic, Things Would Go Smoothly

by Shadow_Bringer



Series: MadaTobi Week Prompts [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Magic, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Comedy, Hidden Injury, I figured I should tag it, Itama and Kawarama are alive, Izuna and the unnamed Uchiha brats are alive, Look I tried, M/M, Madara over here being a fool, One-Sided Attraction, Or Is It?, Romance?, Swearing, Technically for, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Tobirama just wants to be left alone, Tsunade is Hashirama’s daughter because it makes my life easier, author has never written romance, but I might be a bit late-, but I’m using the prompts anyway so, human mess Madara, i struggled, i wasn’t looking at dates, im not sure, is he in love? He is but he hates it, madatobiweek2020, no beta we die like men/women, or a one-shot, this might be crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Bringer/pseuds/Shadow_Bringer
Summary: Madara knows something’s up with Tobirama and it’s all the troublemaking trio’s fault. Tobirama, on the other hand, really just wants to be left alone.———2020 Week 1Madara wins/Tsukuyomi AU ORMagic AUDe-aging ORHidden Injury
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: MadaTobi Week Prompts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721632
Comments: 19
Kudos: 197
Collections: why im sleep deprived 💖✨





	If, Perhaps, They Were Less Idiotic, Things Would Go Smoothly

Madara was, admittedly, too disoriented to have bothered checking the remains of whatever ritual the students decided to set off _in the middle of breakfast_. He’s tired, cranky, and near blind from the explosion. Not an actual explosion, thank the Sage, but a sudden relocation of all of the light, natural or otherwise, to one point. Jarring, to say the least. Anyway, rituals and sketched seals aren’t his area of expertise, fire is. That’s Mito’s area. And Tobirama, but that’s more of a hobby for the water elementalist than anything else.

So, instead of checking the ritual or for injuries, like Itama and Tsunade immediately went to do, he headed for the prime suspects. Namely, Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto and his squad of annoyances. They even drag the upper years into their messes, sometimes, but Kakashi generally has more impulse control and can hold all of his idiot friends back. Namely, Uchiha Obito. His own nephew, who gets himself in more trouble than Madara ever knows what to do with. Almost as bad as Minato and Kushina’s spawn.

He never gets all of the co-conspirators from the main suspects (Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Haruno Sakura, because it’s _always_ those three, isn’t it) but that’s hardly surprising. The trio is admirably tight-lipped and loyal, Sasuke more out of general stubbornness than anything, but the end result remains the same. The three get detention (under Hidan, the sadistic bastard, because he and Kakuzu are pretty much the only teachers immune to Naruto’s natural charm) and Madara gets a drink. The next day everything is fine and the trio are suitably traumatized.

Well, except for one thing. Something is off with Tobirama.

At first, Madara doesn’t think anything of it. The Senju have always been a little odd and Tobirama is no exception to that rule. Hashirama is bipolar, Tsunade violent, Kawarama... weird, Itama downright _terrifying_ , and Tobirama closed off, distant, with no rhyme or reason attached to his actions. That’s how it’s always been. This, though, is a different kind of weird. After he first notices (a flinch away from contact, not usually odd, but this time it was away from Kawarama and Tobirama has never been shy with contact when it involved his brothers, particularly the younger ones), he doesn’t stop. He can see Itama and Tsunade are clued in on something, their eyes tracking Tobirama whenever he’s in the same room as them but the albino astutely avoids the pair of healers. Mito too, if her narrow-eyed glances and heated, whispered arguments with the healers or Tobirama himself are anything to go off of.

An injury, he thinks, but that can’t be right. Nothing in his movements belay any sort of injury and Tobirama has never been shy about healing, regardless. It must be something else.

(He keeps going back to the idea of an injury time and time again as Tobirama seems to almost wane over the next several days, even if he’s cast it aside.

He realizes, with a start, that he’s doesn’t like the idea of Tobirama injured and not seeking help.

He buries the emotion as soon as it surfaces, resolutely ignoring it.)

* * *

Madara doesn’t hate paperwork. He really doesn’t. It’s tiring, but he doesn’t hate it. No, he hates how much he gets or, as in this situation, the absolutely horrid conditions he has to work it. The conditions being, of course, Tobirama’s presence. Normally, it wouldn’t be a problem. Then again, Tobirama isn’t quite acting normally, is he? No, no he’s not. So Madara is stuck doing paperwork with Tobirama, trying to simultaneously ignore the albino and scan him for any sign of injuries or curses or seals.

That also leads to lingers looks at pale skin or vibrantly red tattoos or soft snow-white hair that Madara would love to run his fingers through- he tears his eyes away, glaring down at the field trip form in his hands. It’s Uzumaki Karin’s, for Hashirama’s annual trip to the relatively nearby ruins, preserved and owned by the school. The Mountain Graveyard, they call it. It’s chalk full of magic and the resident Zetsu(s) hang out there. A dangerous place, if the students don’t follow the strictly enforced rules. Karin is less of a troublemaker than her year mates, so long as Hozuki Suigetsu doesn’t antagonize her into doing anything stupid. He signs off on the form and moves it aside. In a separate pile, since the field trip is coming up rather quickly and he doesn’t want to have to deal with Hashirama’s panicked searching like last year. His eyes move up to Tobirama again, unbidden. The man is frowning down at what looks to be their finances, his mouth moving to silent words. Madara watches for a beat too long and pulls his eyes determinedly back to his own work. A parent complaining, as always. Honestly, if parents don’t agree with their teaching methods then they should _pull their kids out_. No one is going to kick Hidan out for being a third-tier vampire despite the complaints against it and like hell would Minato put up with it anyway.

The blonde is almost annoyingly kind but that means _nothing_ when you draw his ire. A true force to be reckoned with, that one. Especially with those annoying spells he and Tobirama are always working together on. And Orochimaru, when the mood strikes their resident snake expert (but seriously, that level of adoration for snakes is _not natural_ ). Tobirama meets his eyes when he looks up again. He grimaces, ignoring the way his face flushes, but doesn’t back down.

”You’ve been staring,” Tobirama offers up, his (beautiful, vibrant red) eyes narrowing further. Madara leans forwards slightly, letting his head rest on his hand.

”If you offered a picture, perhaps I could stare at that instead,” he returns, never one to let a chance slip him by. The albino disregards the comment without more than a slight bristling, like usual. Honestly, the Senju is very incredibly _oblivious_. It seems to run in the family. Kawarama hadn’t noticed Hikaku’s flirting for a week and Hashirama hadn’t noticed Mito’s for a _year and a half_. Hashirama _still_ misses rather obvious hints and clues from Mito (who is now, somehow, his wife, he doesn’t understand why she would lower her standards so far).

”I’m afraid I have no such photos in my possession,” Tobirama says dryly. “Nor do any of my brothers, I can assure you.” ...Madara wonders just how many threatening words and actions it took for a Tobirama to get any and all pictures of himself from his family and destroy them. He’s tempted to say a lot but, beyond Itama, Tobirama has been voted as the most terrifying staff in employment by both parents and students. Hidan and Kakuzu may both be creepy and Tsunade may be terrifying in her own right but all three have a lot to learn.

”Well?” Tobirama prompts after a moment. Madara hums, shrugging.

”You seem... off,” he says truthfully. You can’t lie to Tobirama, after all, and redirection is nigh impossible. The only ones able to do it are Itama and Touka, as far as he can tell, and that’s only through intense embarrassment. Mito, sometimes, through sheer stubbornness.

”Off?” Tobirama arches an elegant white brow, clearly unimpressed.

”Yeah. Ever since the idiot trio’s most recent back-firing experiment, actually.” Oh and there Tobirama tenses. Something _is_ wrong, then, it’s not just his imagination. Tobirama turns his attention back to his paperwork.

”Don’t be a fool, Uchiha, no matter what comes naturally to you. I am unharmed.” Madara stares at Tobirama for a moment longer, wondering if he should take offense. He decides not to because it’s probably what Tobirama wants. A genius plan to- wait. Oh. Madara stifles a smirk, pushing himself fluidly to his feet. Tobirama twitches but doesn’t look up, working determinedly on whatever he’s decided is more important than his own welfare. Madara walks around the table, stopping next to Tobirama.

”Say, Senju,” he purrs, putting a hand over the paper Tobirama is staring at. “I don’t believe I mentioned injuries or harm in _any_ way.” Which side has Tobirama been favoring?

”You implied it,” Tobirama retorts coldly, turning to glare up at him. Madara moves so he can bracket the albino, rather than merely looming. Which side had Kawarama brushed against?

”I gave a timeline but I didn’t imply anything,” he corrects. “ _You_ inferred it.” Tobirama stands, twisting to face Madara. His chair clatters to the ground, skidding out of Madara’s circled arms. He pays it no mind. Ah, yes. It had been Tobirama’s right.

”What do you want, Madara?” It comes out as a growl. Madara grins, stepping closer so that Tobirama’s back is touching the table and his front is pressed against Madara. We can’t be having the Senju escape after all, can we? He leans closer yet to whisper in Tobirama’s ear.

”I _want_ you... to take care of yourself.” And with that, Madara presses one hand into Tobirama’s right side. The albino hisses in pain, almost crumpling in Madara’s arms. Madara steps away from the table with a frown, taking Tobirama with him. There’s no way the man will let Madara take him to Tsunade or Itama and even in pain, Tobirama’s control over water is a bitch and a half to deal with.

”Bastard,” Tobirama snarls. It would be scarier if the Senju was half keeled over in Madara’s arms. Madara gives him an unimpressed look and carefully leads Tobirama over to the staff room couch. He pushes the Senju into it, kneeling in front of him. He lifts Tobirama’s shirt without a word, scanning the man’s right side. It’s not pretty- a patchwork of bruises and nasty black marks. He feels over it gently with his meager diagnostic magic, on hand on Tobirama’s other side to stop the man from instinctively flinching away. A broken rib too, it seems like.

”Why hasn’t Itama healed you?” He demands, glaring up at Tobirama.

”The magic that caused the injury rejects any interference. I simply have to let it heal on it’s own,” Tobirama grumbles, apparently realizing that Madara isn’t just going to let the matter rest.

”Why are you _working_ , then? Minato would give you payed off time, if it’s a problem with money.” Tobirama stares at him like he’s an idiot. Madara glares back, because everything he just said makes sense. Rest is a necessary component of healing and, by the sage, if Tobirama refuses to take care of himself, Madara will _force him_.   
  
“What do you expect? For me to just laze around doing nothing?”

”Yes? That’s generally what people do when the get a _rib_ broken. You’re going to mess up the healing process! The fact that you haven’t done so already is luck, pure and simple,” Madara snaps. Tobirama rears back, like he’s surprised that Madara’s worried. He really hopes that’s just his overactive imagination and not an actual worry. He might be... grumpy, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like Tobirama (just the opposite, in fact, and if the other man thinks Madara dislikes or, Sage, _hates_ him, he’s not sure what he’ll do).

”I will not be useless-“ Madara snarls, cutting Tobirama off harshly.

”For fuck’s sake, Senju! Being injured and not taking care of yourself properly will lead to you being a burden more than if you took a few weeks to fix yourself.” They fall into an uncomfortable, tense silence when Madara finishes. There’s so much more he’d like to say (yell at Tobirama for thinking like that, demand the names of those that made him think he _needed_ to be useful, assure Tobirama that he’s the most important person in this school and likely the only reason it runs in any sort of workable fashion), but now isn’t the time. Tobirama hardly trusts him and wouldn’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth that isn’t an insult in some way. He sighs, leaning back to sit on his haunches. This conversation would be more comfortable if he wasn’t on the floor in front of Tobirama but he’ll make do.

”Is there anything we can do to remove the magical infection?” He asks after a moment. Tobirama looks at him long and hard, trying to discern his purpose. Or so Madara would guess. Even after all this time, the Senju is a mystery. Probably part of the reason Madara is so enamored.

”A few,” Tobirama finally says, his eyes never leaving Madara’s (and isn’t that odd, when the Uchiha are so well known for the magics they can channel and use through their eyes?). “Many are too dangerous to attempt or too...” He trails off, clearly searching for a words. “Intimate,” Tobirama finishes with a helpless shrug. Madara arches a brow.

”Too intimate?” He prods. Tobirama’s lips twist into a grimace and he looks away with a hum.

”If I we’re to have my magic completely flushed, or switched, out by another’s, the invading magic would be forced to dissipate due to losing anything to ground itself on. It would work but...”

”But it would result in a magical bond,” Madara finished for him. He swipes a hands over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. He should just force the Senju into bed rest to heal the normal way but with a magical infection like this, it’s possible that the injuries won’t ever heal. The most logical thing to do would be to flush out Tobirama’s system. That’s a level of intimacy far past anything the Senju has partook in, far past anything even Madara has done.

”Of course. The one lauded as unfeeling, regardless of evidence to the opposite, is the one stuck in this situation,” Madara grumbles. “I don’t suppose you have anyone you wouldn’t mind being bonded to?” The question is rhetorical, verging on sarcastic, but Tobirama responds anyway.

”I... do. But I am unsure if he feels the same way or whether he is simply like this around everyone and I have horribly misread him,” Tobirama confesses, voice tight as he studiously avoids Madara’s eyes. Well, that was certainly unexpected. He wonders who it is. Madara resolutely pushes down the pang of hurt the echoes through his magic itself. Why should he care that Tobirama likes someone?

”Well, I suppose the first step would be asking them.” Madara bites down on the near instinctive addition that _he_ wouldn’t mind being bonded to Tobirama. In fact, he would love it. The Senju, though, clearly doesn’t feel the same way. Tobirama stares at Madara again, frowning. The he sighs and gets to his feet. Madara scrambles to his feet as well, steadying the Senju when it looks like he’ll stumble.

”And here it’s _my_ family that is said to be oblivious,” Tobirama says dryly. “Now move. We’ve wasted enough time and the paperwork certainly isn’t going to do itself.” Madara doesn’t move and that earns him a glare but now it’s personal, damnit.

”what did you mean by that?” He challenges. Tobirama rolls his eyes and, with the speed he’s infamous for, drags Madara into a short, slightly awkward, but very much amazing kiss. Oh.

”Oh,” he articulates dumbly. Tobirama hums again. “You like me?”

”Clearly.” That was dry enough to give Suna a run for it’s money, dear lord.

”Then... you wouldn’t mind me helping with your, ah... infection?” Suffice to say, there’s a lot of spluttering an blushing because apparently nobody expected that.

(The answer was yes, by the way, and they get on stopping the magic infection right away. It’s definitely not because they, realizing how stupid they’ve been, decided to emulate horny teenagers. The bonding and flushing and everything was definitely at the front of their minds. The entire time. It was the entire reason.

Fuck _off_ Izuna, you’re just as bad!)

* * *

**Izuna, watching Madara and Tobirama fail at flirting at every hour of the day but specifically the morning ones before they both get what would be a lethal dose of caffeine to any normal person:**

**Izuna, watching Hikaku gets increasingly desperate as Kawarama continues to be oblivious to every advance:**

**Izuna, watching Mito get more violent the longer Hashirama takes to catch her ‘hints’:**

**Izuna:** I am the only sane, intelligent person in this family.

 **Touka, struggling to court Izuna, who is convinced that she hates him even as he’s besotted with her:** Mhmm, keep telling yourself that, hun.

**Madara, adopting the entire Senju family as well as all of the other teachers despite the fact that they are all legal adults:** Self Care Children!!! Three Square Meals A Day!!! Stay Hydrated!!! Make Smart Life Decisions Or Else!!!

 **Also Madara:** Lol what if I taught a bunch of hormonal children how to blow shit up?

**Zetsu:** Ah yes, the Mountain’s Graveyard, the perfect place to hide out. Surely no stupid humans will go traipsing around a highly dangerous, magically saturated area that holds bones bigger than the trees themselves.

 **Hashirama, with an entourage of children:** And this is the Mountain’s Graveyard! Let’s stay here for a full week scouring the place for interesting creatures and stuff! It’s totally safe and not at all dangerous!

 **Zetsu, done with this shit:** I fucking hate my life.

 **Hidan, dragged along to help keep the children safe and in line:** Same. Wanna help me scare the shit out of the students?

 **Zetsu, quite possibly besotted:** Oh gods yes.

**Minato and Hashirama:** Will hiring Hidan and Kakuzu, both of whom are known murderers and value Jashin/money over _everything else, respec_ tively, have any possible downsides and/or bad outcomes?

 **Minato and Hashirama:** ...Nah.

**Author's Note:**

> So, just a basic summary of the universe:
> 
> This all happens at Konoha, a school for magic brats.
> 
>  **Minato** is the ‘Hokage’ or headmaster.  
>  **Hashirama** , who founded the school, stepped down as headmaster to teach Natural Magics (position title in works).  
>  **Mito** teaches runes and seals.  
>  **Tobirama** and **Madara** teach the elementalist classes of water and earth, and fire and air, respectively.  
>  **Tsunade** and **Itama** are the healers and teach anyone who would like to follow in their footsteps.  
>  **Kawarama** teaches jinxes, hexes, and charms.  
>  **Hidan** teaches rituals and blood magic.  
>  **Kakuzu** teaches maths and finance (and business).  
>  **Orochimaru** and **Jiraiya** share the Magical Creatures class, though Jiraiya’s generally the one teaching as Orochimaru fucks off to research, experiment, or hunt down magic snakes.  
>  **Iruka’s** the (v young) librarian, giving asylum to the good kids and to Tobirama.  
>  **Hikaku’s** the defense teacher (specifically physical defense but he does touch on the use of magic when fighting).  
> There are other positions like science, language, arts, etc. but I haven’t come up with teachers for those positions yet. I would slap Sasori in arts but I also realize I have about three characters for Konoha’s rival school, Suna’s, teacher positions so Sasori is teaching there, now. Deidara is either a older year student or an arts teacher for Iwa.
> 
>  _Edit:_ **Sakumo’s** now the science teacher, fight me.  
>  _Edit 2:_ **Danzo’s** political science. No one knows why he’s teaching- he seems to hate children.  
>  _Edit 3:_ **Hiruzen** is next in line for the position of headmaster (ages are so messed up, god) and so right now he sort of just helps Minato out and shadows the classes.
> 
> Keep in mind that ages are horribly skewed, as with a lot of AUs. Case in point: Iruka being older than Kakashi’s generation. Who knows how it happened. I needed a librarian and Iruka was right there.
> 
> If you’d like to know anything else, ask.


End file.
